A milestone birthday, an anniversary or a christening is often one of the few occasions when the whole family gathers at one table: grandparents, their children, grandchildren and sometimes great-grandchildren too. A day like that can become a warm memory for everyone, or it can wear everyone out, because each generation needs a different pace, different entertainment and a different kind of attention. Here we share how to plan a family celebration at Lentvaris Manor so that both grandmother and the teenager enjoy it, and what to do when old family tensions take a seat at the table along with the guests.

What you can celebrate at the manor

Lentvaris Manor hosts family occasions: birthdays, anniversaries and christenings. Guests can be given a tour of the palace, and there is a spot in the park for the celebration meal. For younger children there is also a separate children's birthday with a treasure hunt around the manor park. It lasts two hours, takes up to fifteen children and includes an outdoor spot for party food.

Every service is by advance booking only, so that no tour or other event is running at the manor at the same time. Time is counted from arrival to departure, including setting up and clearing away. The palace is a protected heritage building still under restoration, so the spaces available are agreed separately for each event. Conditions are on the services page, and the simplest way to agree a date is to call +370 661 54462.

Planning one day for several generations

The real challenge of a multi-generation celebration is not the menu but the rhythm. Older guests want to sit and talk, small children need to run, teenagers get bored quickly, and the parents' generation often spends the whole day looking after everyone else. A few simple choices help make sure nobody feels forgotten:

• Distances and places to rest. The park is large and the paths wind. Think in advance about how far older guests will need to walk and where they can sit in the shade.
• Something just for the children. A treasure hunt in the park keeps children busy while the adults talk. They come back tired, happy and with a story to tell their grandparents.
• One shared moment. A tour of the palace is something every generation can do together. The story of the Tyszkiewicz family, the tower and the park works for an eight-year-old and an eighty-year-old alike.
• Time with no programme. Not every minute has to be filled. The most precious conversations often happen when nobody is organising anything.
• A plan for bad weather. The celebration takes place outdoors, so bring umbrellas, warm blankets for older guests and allow some spare time.

A tour as a shared story

Family gatherings tend to turn to the past: how the grandparents met, where they lived, what came before. A tour of the manor adds another layer to those conversations. For 89 years the palace belonged to one family, three generations of Tyszkiewiczs. Later it housed the offices of a Soviet carpet factory, and then it stood empty for many years. Older guests from the region may remember the factory years or the abandoned palace; younger ones are hearing about it for the first time.

A place like this makes it easier to ask questions that rarely come up elsewhere. What was it like in our family? What does grandmother remember? Did anyone in our family ever live or work near a manor like this? The tour takes about an hour and a half and covers the palace halls, the tower and the park, and it can be arranged in English.

Bringing the youngest generation in

Teenagers at family celebrations often feel like guests nobody gave anything to do. Rather than waiting for them to take an interest, give them a role. One can be the photographer of the day and put together a family album afterwards. Another can prepare a few questions for the grandparents and record the answers on a phone: how they celebrated when they were young, what their first job was, what they remember about the home they grew up in. A few years later, recordings like these become some of the most precious things a family owns.

Younger children do best with a clear structure: time to run, time to eat, time to listen. A treasure hunt in the park gives them an adventure of their own, and they come back eager to tell everyone what they found. If there are babies at the celebration, at a christening for example, plan a quiet spot in the shade where parents can step away for a while.

When old family tensions come to the celebration

The more relatives you bring together, the more likely it is that some old disagreements will sit down at the table too. The brother you have not spoken to properly since the inheritance was divided. The mother-in-law who still has advice on how to raise your children. The father who remembers old grievances after the second glass. The aunt who asks, loudly, when you are finally getting married. Celebrations make these moments especially delicate, because everyone hopes the day will be lovely and nobody wants to be the one who spoils it.

So many people either suffer in silence or, the opposite, explode at the worst possible moment. There is a third way: decide beforehand where your limits are and prepare a few calm sentences. "Let's not talk about that today." "Thank you for caring, but we'll make that decision ourselves." "I'll be back in a few minutes." Sentences like these are not coldness or disrespect. They let you stay at the celebration without falling back into the old argument.

Simple agreements with the person closest to you help as well: a signal for when you want to step away for a walk, a clear time when the celebration ends, a promise that neither of you will leave the other alone with the most difficult relative. The manor park is good for this: there is always a path down to the lake where you can walk for a few minutes and come back calmer.

Ema Sakalauskaitė has written in detail about how to set boundaries with parents, in-laws, brothers and sisters, what to say during holidays and family gatherings, and how to cope with the guilt that often follows. Her article includes ready-made phrases for specific situations:

ema.live · Ema SakalauskaitėSetting Boundaries With Family: Scripts for Parents, In-Laws and SiblingsA five-step method and real scripts for family gatherings, holidays and the guilt that comes after.

The Tyszkiewiczs: several generations under one roof

Several generations living around one house is nothing new for Lentvaris. In 1850 the estate was bought by Count Józef Tyszkiewicz (some sources give 1855). His son Władysław rebuilt the palace, which took on its present Gothic Revival form in 1899, and the estate stayed in the family until 1939: first Józef's, then his son's, finally his grandchildren's.

Władysław's daughter, Zofia Tyszkiewicz-Potocka, later wrote extensive family memoirs, and much of what we know today about everyday life at the manor comes from them. The family spent its winters in Warsaw, and Countess Maria Krystyna founded a stud farm at Lentvaris that grew to a hundred horses. You can read more about her in our article on Maria Christine Tyszkiewicz.

The family's story was not only a festive one. During the First World War the palace was ransacked and its most valuable contents were taken to Russia. The Second World War scattered the family across the world. Perhaps that is why, today, family voices in the palace again feel like a quiet sign of continuity.

How to start planning

Call +370 661 54462 and tell us about your celebration: the occasion, how many guests, whether there will be children and older relatives. We will suggest which part of the manor suits you best, whether a tour for your guests or a treasure hunt for the children makes sense, and reserve the time.

And before the day, take a few minutes for yourself: think about what you want from it, who you most want to spend time with, and where your limits are. A good family celebration is not necessarily one where everybody agrees. More often it is the one after which everybody wants to meet again.